By now, we are all probably aware of the evolutionary survival instincts that our ancestors developed for coping with a dangerous world where we were on the menu of creatures larger and more ferocious than ourselves. These self-protective measures were designed to ensure, as best we could, our survival in times of extreme danger or stress. Faced with certain threats in our environment, the sudden appearance of a saber-toothed tiger, for example, our ancestors had a mere split second-second to decide what to do. We evolved these three defense mechanisms as cortisol, adrenaline, and norepinephrine streamed through our bodies. Fight, Flight or Freeze.
The reaction starts when our amygdala, the “lizard” part of our brain that perceives danger and threat. The amygdala responds to perceived threats (whether real or not) by sending signals to the hypothalamus which stimulates the autonomic nervous system (ANS).
The autonomic nervous system consists of both the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous systems. The sympathetic nervous system (SNS) controls our “fight or flight” response in times of emergencies, danger or injuries. Our SNS stops all resources that are being used for non-essential, life-saving functions such as eating, reproducing, and having bowel movements.
(Think Sympathetic = Stress)
The parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) is responsible for the “rest and digest” response in times of non-emergencies and controls our daily organ functions. It also controls the “freeze” defense mechanism. It does the opposite of our SNS and regulates your body back to non-essential functions so that we can then be capable of sustaining ourselves and reproducing.
(Think Parasympathetic = Peace)
The Parasympathetic Nervous System is always operating until it is overridden by the Sympathetic Nervous System when we perceive danger, and it is involuntary.
Danger
There are no more saber-toothed tigers, and for all practical purposes, we are now on top of the food chain. So, what constitutes danger in our modern-day world?
Danger is now not just an objective term, but a subjective one. What causes us fear can be different from person-to-person. Psychological fear is conditioned, or learned, which means we associate a situation or thing with danger or negative experiences. The thing you fear is a perceived threat, and involuntarily propels you into fight, flight, or freeze.
Whether you Fight, Flight, or Freeze when you perceive danger usually depends on how you normally react to stressful situations.
And if you suffer from an anxiety disorder or past trauma, you are more likely to have an overactive sympathetic nervous system and an exaggerated stress-response.
The Fib
Psychologists are now beginning to recognize a fourth “F” in the survival instinct when we are faced with perceived danger…The “Fib”. If you think about, we all might do some of this. For men, the proverbial question, “Do these jeans make my butt look fat?” Danger! We know there is only one correct answer to this landmine question! And your “survival” depends on it.
One thing our cave-dwelling ancestors did not have was complex, advanced language. With the development of language came new dangers…telling the truth when it might be perceived to hurt us. We sometimes are faced with situations where we are asked a question and we have the ability to instantly tell the truth or fabricate a lie.
To fib has become a very powerful response to perceived danger from a parent, spouse, or boss, or other authority figures. Does it work? Yes and No! Here are the benefits to the Fibber:
Protection from feelings of having disappointed someone you love or look up to, and avoiding confrontation.
Deflection of anger from a parent, significant other.
Extension – “Buying time” when one doesn’t have enough information or when the information one has will not be acceptable to the person who is the perceived danger.
Self-preservation – preserving one’s self-esteem and self-efficacy, and not wanting to be perceived as a failure, and avoiding shame and embarrassment. Some examples: when a parent asks if your homework is done. “Almost”, when you haven’t started. When a spouse asks, “Did you take out the trash?” “Of course!”…then hurriedly takes out the trash. Or, “Why are you home so late?” “Traffic was terrible”, when you were standing around with the guys after work discussing sports…or worse. Sometimes, the fib works! You get away with your lie. Most often, it is a temporary fix, and not well-thought out. But even if we “get away” with our lie, there is an emotional cost. WE knew we lied. And we know that lying lies outside our core values, therefore invoking more shame and guilt on a possibly already fractured sense of self-worth.
Those More Likely
Some individuals are more likely to engage in fibbing. Those persons with impaired executive functioning, such as persons with ADHD, depression, learning disabilities, or those with damage to the frontal areas of the brain. Executive function helps us manage time, pay attention, switch focus, plan and organize, remember details, avoid saying or doing the wrong thing, doing things based on experience, and multitasking.
Person with executive functioning disorders have trouble paying attention, organizing things, manage time and think creatively. These deficits can elicit strong emotional responses in the person, including shame, guilt, embarrassment, low-self-esteem, frustration and anxiety. All good reasons for the person to fib.
For treatment professionals and parents, looking at fibbing through the psychological lens allows you see fibbing as a neurological response and not a character flaw.
Still, taking a psychological approach may provide an opportunity for caregivers and educators to identify fibbing as a neurological response and one sign of a fractured self-esteem, not as a character flaw.
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