Most people would agree that sex is an essential ingredient for a healthy, happy marriage. Yet after just two years of marriage, about 20% of couples are considered to be living in a sexless marriage (sexless being defined as sex 10 times or less in a year.). I was shocked to learn of this, and saddened. Although there are a myriad reasons why this might be so, my opinion is that men do not understand what women need to feel sexual. Many men think women just don’t like sex as much as we do…wrong! Some men think women are just like us when it comes to sex, a problem greatly exacerbated by the ever-available porn at every person’s disposal.
Men need sex to be close to their partner, while women need to close to want to have sex…you can see the dilemma. And for women, the release of oxytocin gives them amnesia! They forget that you were a jerk a few days ago, that you forgot to “bring home the milk”, or whatever short-comings you might have…at least momentarily!
Most semi-mature men get that you have to engage in foreplay to get her “in the mood”. But what is foreplay? Well here’s a tip, guys. It not just something you do right before sex. Below, I will list some facts about foreplay (and I admit, I stole some of this!)
But foremost I want to say this: Foreplay is not something you do…it is the atmosphere of your relationship.
Foreplay begins right after sex
Foreplay starts the moment you wake up
Foreplay is not all physical or sexual things
Foreplay is the way you talk to your lover
Foreplay is the way you flirt with her
Foreplay is the way you show love for her
Foreplay is being present and knowing her
Foreplay is choosing her over your phone
Foreplay is the way you express appreciation for her
Foreplay is the way that you make her feel safe…emotionally, physically and financially
Foreplay is providing structure for the relationship
Foreplay is being a team and a partnership in your relationship
Foreplay is learning to disagree and communicate kindly
Foreplay is being a man of your word
And lastly, being desired is an aphrodisiac for women. It is not the heat-of-the-moment, I’m so horny desire. It is your incessant desire for her as a woman, not as some sex object.
I encourage men to study women. They are very different from us. That book “Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus” is spot on. All men should read that book by John Gray. It is an old book, but women are timeless.
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